Why I Stopped Writing.

Why I stopped writing.

I grabbed my knit hat and pulled it over my head. My lion’s mane for hair puffed out under it. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

Snow drifted from the grey-blanketed sky. I looked up as snowflakes kissed my cheeks. I smiled a little thinking that this is your type of weather.

Before I could think of you further, I shoved my hand in my pocket and ran for the car.  I’ve been driving a lot lately, back and forth to friend’s houses. It seems to be a sort of therapy for me. But I feel like no amount of music, or car drives can help me get over this feeling.

I drove around for a while, but I eventually found myself in a place that was a familiar setting. My laptop sat on the countertop, a warm beverage was between my hands warming my fingertips and the hum over the other conversations droned in the coffee shop.

My fingers knew the keys and my mind flowed with words. A part of me seemed whole as I wrote.

You see, I’m a writer. No amount of design classes can take that away. Writing is my form of catharsis. Purging. Cleansing.

It was then I realized that I had gone astray somewhere.

I had my pride hurt a while back when I got turned down for my dream job. It was the ultimate goal of my college career. I tried to keep my head held high, and searched for other jobs. But the result was the same every time, I just wasn’t good enough.

As a result, I was convinced my writing was the problem. It was painful to try and write. So I left my keyboard and pen behind and picked up charcoal and art supplies. I found another part of who I am, an artist.

But focused all my efforts on my school and a long-distance relationship. Eventually, the two became idols that I clung on to.  To sum it up, our God is a jealous lover and I am glad for it.

He pried my fingers off of these idols and like a stubborn little child I whined and threw a tantrum. But what I am learning is that God himself is so much more than what I lost.

So, I am back. A totally different Lee Ann. Wounded yet healing. Searching how I can glorify God with what He has given me and I do believe that this is by writing. By catharsis.